Three prompts to reflect on what went well this year
An exercise to look back on a terrible and beautiful year
Parent of Adults is my invitation to compare notes on life beyond the empty nest. Learn more about this newsletter or subscribe now, free or paid.
I HOPE this note finds you well as a terrible and beautiful year comes to a close.
As I think back over 2025, it helps to remember that every year is terrible and beautiful in its own way. I can recall days that sparkled with joy and a few real crappers. Some years contain more joyful days; others, more crap — but every year is a mix of both.
Have you heard of the negativity bias? It’s our brain’s hard-wired tendency to hold onto negative thoughts and experiences more tightly than positive or neutral ones.
Turns out evolution favored those who most successfully scanned their environment for dangers. And now here we are! 🤷🏽♀️
Vigilance is great for survival but can complicate modern life. Think about how a hint of criticism (threat! 🧠🚨) sticks in your mind while ten compliments fade into oblivion. This is the negativity bias in action.
Beauty and goodness are just as real as everything else, but it takes more neurological work to notice and hold onto them.
So what’s a joy-seeker to do with a brain that automatically grabs onto problems?
Counterbalance the negativity bias by making regular efforts to savor the goodness and beauty in your life, and to recognize what’s going well.
Making a habit of noticing and savoring what’s good helps us see the world more accurately and gives us a fuller, more balanced picture of our lives.
This is not to say we should “bright-side” terrible things or pretend problems don’t exist. But it’s all too easy for our brains to downplay good things, discount them as unimportant or ignore them altogether.
Here are a few questions to help you revisit what went well in 2025. Answer with whatever comes to mind; this is meant to be quick. Feel free to scroll through your photos if they help jog your memory.
What were three moments of awe or joy?
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Me: Watching Mirabai graduate from college, sitting next to Sam watching Old Faithful erupt, seeing a toucan in Costa Rica with Rael.
What were three accomplishments and/or quiet comforts?
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Me: Learning to sketch (actually, the accomplishment was being willing to give it a shot), reconciling my desire to write with my shrinking tolerance for being online, starting strength training in earnest.
What were three lessons you learned?
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Me: Making decisions based on risk-avoidance has a cumulative cost (another way the negativity bias shows up), always keep my to-read pile full (I’m happiest with a book in progress), “bossy daughter syndrome” helps no one (chill out when helping Mom).
I hope this exercise offers you a new window on the past year. Answering these questions for myself reminded me that 2025 was more than an avalanche of bad news. It was also beautiful — my brain just needed an extra nudge to let that sink in. ❖
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🗄️ RELATED READING
🔗 NOTES OF NOTE
I learned about the negativity bias and “savoring” as a practice from Ryan Kenny and Rena Satre Meloy, my fantastic teachers at Pause Meditation. Ryan shared a “saber-toothed tiger vs. sunset” image in my MBSR class that really stuck.
Learn more about MBSR (“mindfulness-based stress reduction”) on the Pause Meditation website. New online- and in-person classes begin in January and you can sign up for a free info session.
Jen Zug included a picture of one of her favorite Christmas ornaments in her recent newsletter. It’s engraved with this quote by writer and theologian Frederick Buechner:
Here is the world. Beautiful & terrible things will happen. Do not be afraid.
How lovely is that?
Finally: Thank you for reading, sharing and supporting this newsletter. Thank you for inviting me into your inbox and keeping me company this year. You were one of my bright spots. ✨
A beautiful and terrible year is a great way to describe it. These are good reflection questions, thanks Asha. Happy new year!
It's been a mostly garbage year over here, but there are satisfactions and joys, too, for sure.
And thank you extra for sharing about the sketching - it was a factor in me deciding to take up watercolors (last week). Last time I used watercolors was probably high school, and I was objectively bad at them. I lean so hard toward things I will excel in... So taking up something that I can't just lever into place by force of will - and that I can't 'fix' by editorial correction or overworking - is definitely an accomplishment. Satisfying, so far.