Parent of Adults is a newsletter about life after the kids grow up.

They grow up! I mean, we knew they would, right?

Of course we did. And it’s wonderful. It’s also… weird.

I’M ASHA DORNFEST, a writer and Gen X parent of two. My kids adults (26 and 22) are on their way to independence and I’m thrilled — for them and me.

But going from parenting kids to adults has been more than just a transition.

It’s a whole new world.

I expected some bumps but assumed we’d (eventually) arrive at a new normal. But these days I’m not sure normal exists. There’s definitely no arrival.

Not that this a problem, exactly. My kids are ok, I’m ok. I welcome the evolution. But the scale of change is bewildering, at times overwhelming. It’s like learning to swim in a whirlpool.

Parent of Adults is my invitation to compare notes on this strange season of parenting and life.

I’ll tell you how it’s going for me and I’d love to hear how it’s going for you. Maybe we’ll discover we’re not alone in our challenges and joys, and never were.

What to expect when you’re expecting…this newsletter

Parent of Adults is less news and more letter. Part bloggy personal narrative, part casual hangout, part reality check.

Publishing rhythm

Expect 2-4 new issues per month with breaks as needed. New issues arrive in your email inbox or, if you prefer, the Substack app. Back issues move behind the paywall after a few months.

Topics

Parenting, self-care, marriage & partnership, friendship, personal (often humbling) growth, travel, health, supporting elders, maybe some recipes?, culture, grounded activism, finding (or re-finding) purpose and fun, and links to stuff/people/writing I love.

Comments

The comments are my favorite part! I welcome (ok, EAGERLY AWAIT) your thoughts, observations, questions, discoveries, frustrations, tips…

More about me

I started out in the mid-90s writing tech how-to books (fun fact: I wrote Microsoft FrontPage For Dummies).

By 2005, I was the overwhelmed and rather isolated parent of two little kids. I started a blog, Parent Hacks, as a way to connect with other parents and swap scrappy tips of the sort you only stumble on through experience. This was before social media and smartphones so finding a generous community of like-minded parents online felt like magic.

As it happened, the timing was golden. My early-aughts cohort of parent bloggers pioneered a whole new form of community. Parent Hacks grew into an award-winning blog with over 4000 posts and a kind, engaged readership. I wrote and solo-moderated Parent Hacks for over a decade. It changed my life and career.

Books

That experience inspired Parent Hacks: 134 Genius Shortcuts for Life with Kids (Workman, 2016), a compact, illustrated book full of clever, road-tested tips & wisdom.

I also co-wrote Minimalist Parenting: Enjoy Modern Family Life More By Doing Less (Routledge) with my friend and thought-partner Christine Koh.

This led us to the Edit Your Life podcast which we launched on the idea that small, doable steps lead to big changes. From 2016-2021 we co-hosted 250+ episodes (here’s the archive). Edit Your Life continues to thrive as a solo show by Christine.

Where I’m at now

My husband, Rael, and I live in Portland, Oregon, in the house where we raised our kids. We love it here but we’re also laying the foundation for the next chapter of our life.

My dad died unexpectedly in 2020, weeks before the pandemic lockdown. My mom was diagnosed with Parkinson’s the following year. A couple months after my daughter left for college, Mom sold her California home of 50+ years (my childhood home) and moved into a senior community near us.

Between empty nesting, grief, pandemic disruption, menopause, supporting my mom and *looks around at the world* the last few years have been … a lot. But these years have also contained immense growth and joy. I try to hold it all, some days more gracefully than others.

Free vs. paid subscription

Free subscribers get…everything! Parent of Adults is essentially a free newsletter with a paid option for folks who want to support the work and/or ideals that go into it. Back issues remain public for a few months so there’s plenty of time to read and comment.

Supporters (paid subscribers and sharers) get access to back issues as a thank you for supporting my writing.

Support this newsletter by paying for it

I think about paid subscriptions in two ways:

Financial support

Paid subscriptions help me cover my costs (web hosting, subscription fees, etc.) while allowing me to keep this newsletter ad- and algorithm-free and accessible to everyone.

Partnership

Upgrading to a paid subscription is one way to say, “I appreciate what you’re doing and want to help you keep doing it.” This kind of support means everything.

You can revert to a free subscription any time. For example, some supporters pay for a single month as a stand-in for a $5 tip, which is lovely. I’m grateful for any level or length of support and I don’t track subscription downgrades or unsubscribes.

Support this newsletter by sharing it

I refer to both paid subscribers and sharers as “supporters” because sharing this newsletter is as supportive as paying for it, if not more.

Every time you share this newsletter you help new readers find it, but more importantly you help them trust it. Trust is precious, especially online, so your participation really makes a difference.

As a thank you for sharing, I’ve set up a referral program. Each time you click the “Share” or “Restack” buttons, your referrals are counted. Your subscription is automatically upgraded based on the number of new free- or paid subscribers your shares bring in.

(If I could tie the upgrade to number of shares as opposed to referrals I would. Unfortunately there’s no setting for that.)

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Support this newsletter by giving a gift subscription 🎁

Another way you can help is to gift a month or year of paid subscription to a friend.

Choose a term, add a personal note and schedule delivery to begin on the date of your choice — say, high school graduation, 18th birthday, move-out date…

Give a gift subscription

Are you in? I hope so! The empty nest is only the beginning…and it isn’t empty.