Your words made me tear up… I have boy girl twins that are freshman in high school and the time is going WAY too fast! Thank you for reminding me of the truth waiting for me right around the corner. :))
I'm not sure all of mine will leave the nest, but one is away (not far away just adulting), another mid-college. And maybe this is why I treasure that those two most likely to fly further away each have tattoos related to me somehow - one literally has a stylized drawing of me teaching him stuff that matters to him. The other just got a drawing I did (of a Dawn Redwood, symbolic of my mom) tattooed on her spine. It's like they're aware of carrying a bit of me with them, even as I hold a bit of them in my heart for me as they continue onward.
And even for the ones that are here still, their lives diverge more and more from mine over time. They're facing outward even if they never leave.
Tattoos related to you! 😭 Heather, the heart and thought you've poured into parenting, and everywhere else... it has been a wonderful thing to travel along this road together. Also: "They're facing outward even if they never leave." This is a beautiful way to express the shift that has less to do with location than we might think.
I feel this strongly as my oldest turned 18 this past weekend and graduates from high school tomorrow evening. I spent a little time this morning buying him a few final graduation gifts and we are going out tonight for a celebratory dinner with his grandparents. My dad, who was very close to my son, passed away right before Christmas, so I am also grieving his absence. He was so proud of my son and would have loved to be here for this milestone. So many layers of emotions these days, thanks for the reminder that it's okay to give myself space to feel them all.
Thank you for sharing, Kathleen. I hope the graduation was wonderful, and you felt your Dad's love and pride. "So many layers of emotions" is just right. Times like this remind us that this is what it is to be so very alive.
Oh, wow, we're waving to each other from opposite ends of the same boat! One of the ironies of writing this newsletter is how often I say to myself, "I don't have words for this." Wishing you well, Samantha, thanks for being here.
Love this, Asha. Our second graduates from high school in a couple of weeks. Our first is on track to graduate from college a year from now (assuming his "credit farming," as he puts it, goes successfully). I'm proud, excited, relieved and grieving. So many feelings. I've found myself doing things like using the "good" dishes a lot more lately, because watching our children hop farther and farther from the nest emphasizes that the real special occasion is being alive.
Sending you and the family all of the hugs this weekend. As you know, I think a lot (like, constantly) about the duality of joy and grief (in broadest feelings strokes). What a road it has been for you, and so much yet to unfold. Love you, pal.
Awww, I’m sorry it’s hard, too. Bittersweet seems to be parenting mantra.
Both of my kids experienced SO many struggles on their way to (both; siiiigh) graduations, I felt nothing but joy and relief at all 4 ceremonies. By the time my oldest got her Masters, I got to sit up in the stands with her wife and we whooped and hollered together, much to the embarrassment of my husband and other child. 😆
But now that we are on the cusp of everyone being GONE gone, for real, it’s… weird. I’m still thrilled for everyone involved, but now—finally—I see that little shadow. I’m so grateful I unexpectedly got a lot of extra time with my youngest here. We joke about “When are you leaving?” but it’s been 25 years and I really cannot imagine them not being here.
Your comment filled me with...yes, that's what it is, JOY. I've never met your kids, but I have rooted and cheered for them for all these years, even more for you, Mir. I'm so happy for you all. The gift of extra time, the relief...I feel it all.
"Let us feel the weight of our children’s’ absence, their transformation, their growing up, and ours as well." So very lovely, Asha. I'm feeling it all right along with you.
Last summer, a friend commented that she wanted to make sure her college Junior had an especially family-memory-filled summer as it was 'the last one at home'. I pooh-poohed her in my head as maybe a bit of an overreaction.
Cut to this past Winter break, when I realized... this is it. My college Senior isn't coming back home to live again. After graduation, he's here for a few days, off on a final vacation with his college friends, back for a week, then we move him to my hometown in a neighboring state.
So I have feelings akin to grief, as my friend felt last year. I will visit every few months, as I still have family in the area, but that "we are all together in our home" feeling...whew, it won't be the same because they will visit home, not live here.
What a sweet, honest reflection, Pam. I get it. When my son left (but my daughter was still in HS), it felt like a totally different experience. There was pooh-poohing! Then: life. 2020 and beyond. I'm humbled, bruised, but also stronger and a lot wiser.
Celebrating my oldest’s graduation from college this June. It’s a big moment for me as someone who dropped out of college in the 90s due in part to experiencing depression without any understanding of it or support. It’s been an honor to support my own daughter through her own challenges and see her thriving and excited.
She’ll be slower to leave the nest, but my youngest, who’s wrapping up his sophomore year, just signed a lease for an apartment in September. He’s my hangout buddy, and it hit me just yesterday that our hangout relationship is going to be changing. There were tears.
Your words made me tear up… I have boy girl twins that are freshman in high school and the time is going WAY too fast! Thank you for reminding me of the truth waiting for me right around the corner. :))
💞 Time is SO WEIRD. It creeps along, then it flies, and sometimes you just can’t tell which is which. Thanks for the lovely comment, Erika.
Crying-- I feel like this is a repetitive pattern, I must feel these feelings again and again and again. What an honor.
Me, too, Ami, me too. 🔄
My twin kiddos are about to graduate from high school, and I'm feeling all the feels. Thanks for this.
You’re so welcome. Thanks for keeping me company.
Oof. Right in the gut, Asha.
SORRY YOU’RE WELCOME SORRY.
I'm not sure all of mine will leave the nest, but one is away (not far away just adulting), another mid-college. And maybe this is why I treasure that those two most likely to fly further away each have tattoos related to me somehow - one literally has a stylized drawing of me teaching him stuff that matters to him. The other just got a drawing I did (of a Dawn Redwood, symbolic of my mom) tattooed on her spine. It's like they're aware of carrying a bit of me with them, even as I hold a bit of them in my heart for me as they continue onward.
And even for the ones that are here still, their lives diverge more and more from mine over time. They're facing outward even if they never leave.
Tattoos related to you! 😭 Heather, the heart and thought you've poured into parenting, and everywhere else... it has been a wonderful thing to travel along this road together. Also: "They're facing outward even if they never leave." This is a beautiful way to express the shift that has less to do with location than we might think.
I feel this strongly as my oldest turned 18 this past weekend and graduates from high school tomorrow evening. I spent a little time this morning buying him a few final graduation gifts and we are going out tonight for a celebratory dinner with his grandparents. My dad, who was very close to my son, passed away right before Christmas, so I am also grieving his absence. He was so proud of my son and would have loved to be here for this milestone. So many layers of emotions these days, thanks for the reminder that it's okay to give myself space to feel them all.
Thank you for sharing, Kathleen. I hope the graduation was wonderful, and you felt your Dad's love and pride. "So many layers of emotions" is just right. Times like this remind us that this is what it is to be so very alive.
It’s such a bittersweet moment! My youngest is also graduating college in a few weeks and I can’t quite name what I’m feeling.
Oh, wow, we're waving to each other from opposite ends of the same boat! One of the ironies of writing this newsletter is how often I say to myself, "I don't have words for this." Wishing you well, Samantha, thanks for being here.
Love this, Asha. Our second graduates from high school in a couple of weeks. Our first is on track to graduate from college a year from now (assuming his "credit farming," as he puts it, goes successfully). I'm proud, excited, relieved and grieving. So many feelings. I've found myself doing things like using the "good" dishes a lot more lately, because watching our children hop farther and farther from the nest emphasizes that the real special occasion is being alive.
"Credit farming." 😂 Thank you for this beautiful comment, and for being along with me on this bizarre and glorious ride.
Sending you and the family all of the hugs this weekend. As you know, I think a lot (like, constantly) about the duality of joy and grief (in broadest feelings strokes). What a road it has been for you, and so much yet to unfold. Love you, pal.
"What a road it has been for you, and so much yet to unfold." For both of us, huh? For ALL of us. 🩵
Awww, I’m sorry it’s hard, too. Bittersweet seems to be parenting mantra.
Both of my kids experienced SO many struggles on their way to (both; siiiigh) graduations, I felt nothing but joy and relief at all 4 ceremonies. By the time my oldest got her Masters, I got to sit up in the stands with her wife and we whooped and hollered together, much to the embarrassment of my husband and other child. 😆
But now that we are on the cusp of everyone being GONE gone, for real, it’s… weird. I’m still thrilled for everyone involved, but now—finally—I see that little shadow. I’m so grateful I unexpectedly got a lot of extra time with my youngest here. We joke about “When are you leaving?” but it’s been 25 years and I really cannot imagine them not being here.
Yup. Bittersweet.
Your comment filled me with...yes, that's what it is, JOY. I've never met your kids, but I have rooted and cheered for them for all these years, even more for you, Mir. I'm so happy for you all. The gift of extra time, the relief...I feel it all.
"Let us feel the weight of our children’s’ absence, their transformation, their growing up, and ours as well." So very lovely, Asha. I'm feeling it all right along with you.
And thank you for the generous shout-out(s), too.
It's a true gift that we're living and writing and sharing this stuff together after all these years. A lifetime in some ways.
Last summer, a friend commented that she wanted to make sure her college Junior had an especially family-memory-filled summer as it was 'the last one at home'. I pooh-poohed her in my head as maybe a bit of an overreaction.
Cut to this past Winter break, when I realized... this is it. My college Senior isn't coming back home to live again. After graduation, he's here for a few days, off on a final vacation with his college friends, back for a week, then we move him to my hometown in a neighboring state.
So I have feelings akin to grief, as my friend felt last year. I will visit every few months, as I still have family in the area, but that "we are all together in our home" feeling...whew, it won't be the same because they will visit home, not live here.
What a sweet, honest reflection, Pam. I get it. When my son left (but my daughter was still in HS), it felt like a totally different experience. There was pooh-poohing! Then: life. 2020 and beyond. I'm humbled, bruised, but also stronger and a lot wiser.
I hope you have a wonderful time at graduation! SO happy for you and your daughter!
Thank you so much, Jenna. It feels like there is so much to talk about together.
Such a beautiful description of the many mixed emotions that we hold as parents of young adults. 💙 Thank you!
❤️❤️❤️
Celebrating my oldest’s graduation from college this June. It’s a big moment for me as someone who dropped out of college in the 90s due in part to experiencing depression without any understanding of it or support. It’s been an honor to support my own daughter through her own challenges and see her thriving and excited.
She’ll be slower to leave the nest, but my youngest, who’s wrapping up his sophomore year, just signed a lease for an apartment in September. He’s my hangout buddy, and it hit me just yesterday that our hangout relationship is going to be changing. There were tears.
So many mixed emotions! 🥰😭