The year of courage and consistency
How do I want to show up no matter what’s happening?
A note before I go on: I just found out that my dear cousin lost her home to the fire in Altadena, California. She and her dog and the rest of my family in LA are safe, but that’s all I know right now. I’m sitting here stunned in rainy Portland, Oregon processing this shocking new reality.
I started writing this post last week. It’s a little tone-deaf to me now but I’m sending it anyway in case it helps you think about the year ahead. If you or your loved ones are facing these fires, my heart is with you.
I hope 2025 has started gently for you. Tiptoeing back into normal life is both refreshing and daunting, but it helps that we’re still in quasi-holiday mode around here. My daughter’s home for another week and then it’s back to complete her final semester of college. She graduates in May!
It hasn’t hit me yet. My kids’ college years feel like they’ve only just begun1 even though my son’s freshman year was 2018. I get that the pandemic altered our clocks and calendars and assumptions and brains, but still! I thought there’d be more time? I thought I’d be more settled by now?
🪹🤷🏽♀️
This persistent unsettled-ness has colored my thoughts about how I want to approach what will likely be a roller coaster of a year. Both my kids will be young adults in the real world with all the uncertainty and false starts that entails. Rael and I continue to write the next chapter of our grown-up lives (it’s a pretty rough draft). The world feels particularly volatile right now — and it’s hard to figure out how much of that is real and how much is manufactured by algorithms.
Given all that, feeling more settled seems like a stretch.
A strategy seems more useful than a goal, so I’m thinking about how I want to respond this year, no matter what’s happening.
We’ve all got coping mechanisms for when things get tough (oh hey, avoidance and distraction! Nice to see you again! Come on in…how long will you be staying this time?).
I’ve battled these tendencies all my adult life, and the harder I’ve pushed, the harder they’ve pushed back. I’ve finally accepted that my initial reaction to fear and overwhelm might always be some version of flee! or look! A shiny thing!
But I also know I don’t have to act on my first reaction. I can choose a different response.
When I think about what’s most likely to improve my day-to-day experience of 2025, it’s showing up with more courage and consistency.
Counter avoidance with bravery. Begin difficult tasks by starting with ridiculously tiny steps.
Counter distraction with persistence. If something’s hard, push myself to stick with it for a few more minutes even though I’d rather just chase that squirrel.
As I mentioned in my last newsletter, I’ve developed a serious allergy to self-improvement advice. The premise of self-improvement is that your Self needs Improving. Who I am is fine. What I do, however, could use some improvement.
My meditation teacher said something like small moments, many times, and that struck me as so humane and doable.
I’m leaning on props to help me remember all this. I’m starting my morning journaling by writing COURAGE AND CONSISTENCY at the top of the page (a benevolent version of writing lines on a chalkboard). When I hit a roadblock, sticky notes on my monitor and dresser remind me to ask myself: would this be better served by courage or consistency? Sometimes the most courageous choice is to let something go.
It’s barely Week 2 and already I’ve avoided a few hard things and chased a few squirrels. But I’ve also tried a couple new things and pushed myself to stick with a couple dreaded tasks. It’s a start. I can always begin again. There are 356 days until 2026!
Related reading in the archives
Notes of note
My brilliant friend, Cory Doctorow (award-winning author, activist and coiner of the term enshittification), has launched a Kickstarter for his newest audiobook, Picks & Shovels. The story of why he produces and distributes his own audiobooks may be as fascinating as the novel itself. Learn more and back Cory’s project at Kickstarter.
- asks: what light will you be in 2025? Watch Karen’s beautiful video at The Make Light Journal
- pulled together a list of ways you can help folks affected by the LA fires. Read it at I’m Walking Here.
If you’d like to contribute to my cousin Leslee’s recovery, here’s her GoFundMe.
Take good care, friends. Come say hi in the comments. 💙
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*Cue the Carpenters*
Hope the new year is safe and healthy for you and all your family. And much gratitude for sharing the contact for our cousin who has lost so much in the tragic and ongoing aftermath of the fires. I was easily able to contribute. It is often a challenge to stay or be in contact with distant family, but I know our caring makes a great difference. Much love and more gratitude.
Small moments many times. I really love that. Adding that to courage and consistence. Wait, also strategies not resolutions. ;) thanks for getting me thinking (and motivated) as we head into the new year. And my youngest is also heading back for his final semester in college, which brings a lot of other things to contemplate in this new year. xo