Three young adults at home, and caring for my 89 year old mother post brain injury (amazing recovery but so much work still to do) while she lives at my sister's house. I have medical power of attorney. My sister handles the nurse and aide management. My other sister handles financials. My husband handles architectural services (accessible first floor bathroom and bedroom!). My brother handles emotional and social needs and pickup shopping. My eldest is moving in to help caretake the house.
I have no idea how people manage with just one person helping.
WOW HEATHER. I wish your Mom well as she recovers. And your family support system is a marvel. The heroism of regular old life. A huge hug to you. To think how many years we’ve been talking like this.
Last month I rescued my dad from his home after a long period of mental & physical health issues where it was not possible to get him medical care through any means. I moved him across the country with the intention of getting him into Medicaid long-term housing due to his limited resources as a retired policeman. Will Medicaid exist in 3 weeks? My husband, our high school senior, and I live in a 1300 sq ft house, and my dad is now staying in my home office while I work at the kitchen table. Buying a bigger house at a time when our ecological jobs are threatened seems like a risky move. We don't have many options, and they are looking more limited every day. I'm trying to take one day at a time, hoping that my dad's mental health remains stable with new medication, trying to focus on my awesome kid who goes away to college in Sept, and waking up in post-menopausal panic sweats. This sandwich generation time is no joke.
Thank you so much for sharing. The scale of change and responsibility is mind-boggling. Are you familiar with Courtney Martin’s Substack, The Examined Family? Her family has moved in with her parents so they can care for her Dad. Different circumstances, but she describes her experience so beautifully, it might be of help. One day at a time, with a focus on your awesome kid sounds like a wise approach. 💙
!!! Thanks, Ellen. Well, this is where I reveal myself as a major Kelly Corrigan fangirl. Someone recommended her work to me when I was in the depths of grief after my dad’s sudden passing in 2020, and I have read/followed her ever since. Her pod is one of my regular listens. Our value sets and priorities are so aligned it’s uncanny. I’m currently writing up a newsletter highlighting a recent pod series she did on supporting aging parents. It was SO helpful and important.
My adult-ish son is living with us - he’s 21 and stopped out of college, not sure what or when his next step will be. He’s volunteering (so he has a schedule) but not working. He moved home last May and it wasn’t until the fall that I felt like we found our rhythm again as a family, where he understood the expectations we had of him as a grown-up living at home (especially one with no income). I’m trying to find the best of it - we genuinely have some really nice times together, he’s figured out how to be actually helpful, and he’s been around to care for our elderly dog during the day. We’re partway through a room-move that has helped - we flipped his childhood bedroom and our home office/guest room/misc room. I think it made a difference for him to have his own space and have it be different from “when he was a kid”. The way our house is laid out means he lives in the front and our bedroom is in the back, and that tiny bit of separation has helped also (it’s not a big house). I still feel like we’re living in limbo, but I’m trying to really intentionally note the good parts.
Thank you for sharing, Karen. It’s SO helpful for me to hear how the process has gone for your family even though it’s bound to be different for all of us. (My daughter is 21 as well.) It just seems so different for our kids now vs. how it was for us (but even that is impossible to generalize). I admire the intention you’re bringing to this time. Julie’s new book is tentatively titled “The Bonus Years” and I can hear a bit of that in your comment. Wishing you all well as you make your way.
Three young adults at home, and caring for my 89 year old mother post brain injury (amazing recovery but so much work still to do) while she lives at my sister's house. I have medical power of attorney. My sister handles the nurse and aide management. My other sister handles financials. My husband handles architectural services (accessible first floor bathroom and bedroom!). My brother handles emotional and social needs and pickup shopping. My eldest is moving in to help caretake the house.
I have no idea how people manage with just one person helping.
WOW HEATHER. I wish your Mom well as she recovers. And your family support system is a marvel. The heroism of regular old life. A huge hug to you. To think how many years we’ve been talking like this.
Right?!
Last month I rescued my dad from his home after a long period of mental & physical health issues where it was not possible to get him medical care through any means. I moved him across the country with the intention of getting him into Medicaid long-term housing due to his limited resources as a retired policeman. Will Medicaid exist in 3 weeks? My husband, our high school senior, and I live in a 1300 sq ft house, and my dad is now staying in my home office while I work at the kitchen table. Buying a bigger house at a time when our ecological jobs are threatened seems like a risky move. We don't have many options, and they are looking more limited every day. I'm trying to take one day at a time, hoping that my dad's mental health remains stable with new medication, trying to focus on my awesome kid who goes away to college in Sept, and waking up in post-menopausal panic sweats. This sandwich generation time is no joke.
Thank you so much for sharing. The scale of change and responsibility is mind-boggling. Are you familiar with Courtney Martin’s Substack, The Examined Family? Her family has moved in with her parents so they can care for her Dad. Different circumstances, but she describes her experience so beautifully, it might be of help. One day at a time, with a focus on your awesome kid sounds like a wise approach. 💙
Thank you, Asha!
I bet you would enjoy Kelly Corrigan's book "The Middle Place".
!!! Thanks, Ellen. Well, this is where I reveal myself as a major Kelly Corrigan fangirl. Someone recommended her work to me when I was in the depths of grief after my dad’s sudden passing in 2020, and I have read/followed her ever since. Her pod is one of my regular listens. Our value sets and priorities are so aligned it’s uncanny. I’m currently writing up a newsletter highlighting a recent pod series she did on supporting aging parents. It was SO helpful and important.
My adult-ish son is living with us - he’s 21 and stopped out of college, not sure what or when his next step will be. He’s volunteering (so he has a schedule) but not working. He moved home last May and it wasn’t until the fall that I felt like we found our rhythm again as a family, where he understood the expectations we had of him as a grown-up living at home (especially one with no income). I’m trying to find the best of it - we genuinely have some really nice times together, he’s figured out how to be actually helpful, and he’s been around to care for our elderly dog during the day. We’re partway through a room-move that has helped - we flipped his childhood bedroom and our home office/guest room/misc room. I think it made a difference for him to have his own space and have it be different from “when he was a kid”. The way our house is laid out means he lives in the front and our bedroom is in the back, and that tiny bit of separation has helped also (it’s not a big house). I still feel like we’re living in limbo, but I’m trying to really intentionally note the good parts.
Thank you for sharing, Karen. It’s SO helpful for me to hear how the process has gone for your family even though it’s bound to be different for all of us. (My daughter is 21 as well.) It just seems so different for our kids now vs. how it was for us (but even that is impossible to generalize). I admire the intention you’re bringing to this time. Julie’s new book is tentatively titled “The Bonus Years” and I can hear a bit of that in your comment. Wishing you all well as you make your way.