My kids are a little younger. Oldest is 20 and youngest is 16. My oldest is still living at home, though, and working so it's an odd mix of taking my hands off of things and letting him handle it, and then sticking them back in when he's struggling in a way that lifts him up rather than holding him down.
Case in point, he deals with a lot of medical stuff and I've been trying to mostly let him handle it-- make appointments, decide with his providers about treatment, etc. But recently he was struggling with one provider because they kept calling him at work when he couldn't answer the phone and his condition was spiraling. So, I offered to do some follow-up calls during the day. I sit at a desk. I have the space and time.
He got really upset because he felt like he should be able to do everything by himself. And I had to remind him that *I* don't do everything by myself. *No one* does everything by themselves. Getting help is how we survive this life. Interdependence is our saving grace.
Another great book to add to that list is Elderhood by Louise Aronson and I just started The Menopause Brain by Lisa Mosconi. Reading about other womens’ beautiful journeys has been very helpful as I navigate empty nesting, divorce, and menopause all at once. Thank you, Asha!
With both of my kids, I am in a weird/tricky place because of their ages and their life circumstances. Both are 26, so of an age to be living independently, but neither are. One has been living with me for almost two years; she is married and has been waiting on a visa so that she can move to her husband's country. (It finally came, and she'll be moving away in August, which will bring a whole other set of challenges for me.) The other has been in and out of my home, for reasons I'll keep private. So, both are needing support but are old enough to really not want to need it and dealing with things that are hard. This makes mentorship (among other things) tricky, and I've sure stumbled at times with knowing how to be a supportive parent to adults who are fully adult in some ways but definitely not in others.
Honestly I don't know if I would give any "advice".
I might say engagement turns thinking into experience. Every experience will always be your gold, when looked at from the correct angle.
I might say, you will live many lives in this one lifetime. Always care for your body and your mind, for when you start with the next one.
I might say, don't label yourself, it will be outdated before you know it, (Don't get any tattoos, physical nor mental).
I might say, don't go deep into any hole, or get too invested into a cul-de-sac. Learn to recognize it from the shallow part.
I might say feeling is your best friend, it flags where you are.
I might say observe, and compare if you want to, but you will never be them, and they will never give a darn about you. It is only you that is in charge of you.
I might say that society is our best attempt, even though some people describe it differently. Consider what could be your part?
My kids are a little younger. Oldest is 20 and youngest is 16. My oldest is still living at home, though, and working so it's an odd mix of taking my hands off of things and letting him handle it, and then sticking them back in when he's struggling in a way that lifts him up rather than holding him down.
Case in point, he deals with a lot of medical stuff and I've been trying to mostly let him handle it-- make appointments, decide with his providers about treatment, etc. But recently he was struggling with one provider because they kept calling him at work when he couldn't answer the phone and his condition was spiraling. So, I offered to do some follow-up calls during the day. I sit at a desk. I have the space and time.
He got really upset because he felt like he should be able to do everything by himself. And I had to remind him that *I* don't do everything by myself. *No one* does everything by themselves. Getting help is how we survive this life. Interdependence is our saving grace.
Another great book to add to that list is Elderhood by Louise Aronson and I just started The Menopause Brain by Lisa Mosconi. Reading about other womens’ beautiful journeys has been very helpful as I navigate empty nesting, divorce, and menopause all at once. Thank you, Asha!
With both of my kids, I am in a weird/tricky place because of their ages and their life circumstances. Both are 26, so of an age to be living independently, but neither are. One has been living with me for almost two years; she is married and has been waiting on a visa so that she can move to her husband's country. (It finally came, and she'll be moving away in August, which will bring a whole other set of challenges for me.) The other has been in and out of my home, for reasons I'll keep private. So, both are needing support but are old enough to really not want to need it and dealing with things that are hard. This makes mentorship (among other things) tricky, and I've sure stumbled at times with knowing how to be a supportive parent to adults who are fully adult in some ways but definitely not in others.
Honestly I don't know if I would give any "advice".
I might say engagement turns thinking into experience. Every experience will always be your gold, when looked at from the correct angle.
I might say, you will live many lives in this one lifetime. Always care for your body and your mind, for when you start with the next one.
I might say, don't label yourself, it will be outdated before you know it, (Don't get any tattoos, physical nor mental).
I might say, don't go deep into any hole, or get too invested into a cul-de-sac. Learn to recognize it from the shallow part.
I might say feeling is your best friend, it flags where you are.
I might say observe, and compare if you want to, but you will never be them, and they will never give a darn about you. It is only you that is in charge of you.
I might say that society is our best attempt, even though some people describe it differently. Consider what could be your part?
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