We need to read this at different stages of our life. When young, I thought I needed to learn and do what I could to stay healthy. When caring for aging parents, I tried to get them to take better care of themselves. I learned, they didn't want my advice. After standing by their side as each aged and died, I figured, I'd do better. And here I am, lol, coping as best I can and realizing. Accidents happen. We all age and have different issues to deal with. We can do the best we can to be a supportive child/parent but we all have to walk our own walk and do the best we can. My Daughter showed me how to be loving, supportive, and understanding of myself and my family as we all are doing the best we can. Some may not appear to be trying, but we really can't make people do anything they are not willing or able to do. Thanks Asha for all you do to help us figure things out
A lovely, poignant arc from your parents to your daughter, and all the learning along the way. I feel it. It's like the light hits us at different angles depending on where we are on that arc, illuminating things differently. Thank you for being such a kind presence here.
You and your mom are such an inspiration to me, Asha. I can hear your words from a view I share with you, and from having taken a fall that broke a vertebrae, and from being parent to a youngish adult. In all ways, what you say rings so true, so honest, and real. Love you. 💜
Some of the best visits I had with my mom once she went to memory care were the ones where I turned up at painting time and we sat with cheap brushes and paints and coloring book pages and painted together. Those are the best memories I have of those times. No pressure, just chit chat about colors. The hospice folks who looked after her were so wonderfully grounded in the right now. They helped me to see the importance of today. I'm trying to remember that with my kids now, as well.
Thank you for sharing this moment with your mom. Your comment filled me with a sense of peace. I so want to put down the work and just sit and visit with Mom. I have work to do in the "letting go" department and I suspect much of that work I'm making for myself. I don't know...none of this stuff is clear.
Oh Denise is so right! My mom is in a memory care home. So often I see the adult kids demanding special diets or supplements for their loved ones, monitoring sugar intake or carbs. If there were any meaningful health benefit to those choices that ship has sailed. But I know what’s going through their heads because I have felt it too.
I sort of joke about "bossy daughter syndrome." I pull that phrase out when Mom gets sick of me being so serious.But it also feels bad and somewhat unfair, but it's just part of the dynamic. 🤷🏽♀️ Thanks for sharing, Robin, I appreciate these glimpses and wish you and your mom well.
Every word of this resonates, Asha. I've been struggling with feelings about my dad and what he doesn't do to better care for himself, and you've affirmed what I learned the hard way with my son. I loved this: "They fucked up, or we fucked up … or whatever. Okay. But today is today. Stay here. Stay with them now." Once I let go of trying to fix things with/for my son and me, things got better. I'm now going to apply that to the situation with my dad. Thank you! Sending good wishes for your mom as she continues on her journey, and for you and your kids as you navigate this next stop in theirs.
We need to read this at different stages of our life. When young, I thought I needed to learn and do what I could to stay healthy. When caring for aging parents, I tried to get them to take better care of themselves. I learned, they didn't want my advice. After standing by their side as each aged and died, I figured, I'd do better. And here I am, lol, coping as best I can and realizing. Accidents happen. We all age and have different issues to deal with. We can do the best we can to be a supportive child/parent but we all have to walk our own walk and do the best we can. My Daughter showed me how to be loving, supportive, and understanding of myself and my family as we all are doing the best we can. Some may not appear to be trying, but we really can't make people do anything they are not willing or able to do. Thanks Asha for all you do to help us figure things out
A lovely, poignant arc from your parents to your daughter, and all the learning along the way. I feel it. It's like the light hits us at different angles depending on where we are on that arc, illuminating things differently. Thank you for being such a kind presence here.
What a beautiful way to put it Asha
You and your mom are such an inspiration to me, Asha. I can hear your words from a view I share with you, and from having taken a fall that broke a vertebrae, and from being parent to a youngish adult. In all ways, what you say rings so true, so honest, and real. Love you. 💜
Back atcha, Brenda. I'm here because of you in many ways. 💙
Some of the best visits I had with my mom once she went to memory care were the ones where I turned up at painting time and we sat with cheap brushes and paints and coloring book pages and painted together. Those are the best memories I have of those times. No pressure, just chit chat about colors. The hospice folks who looked after her were so wonderfully grounded in the right now. They helped me to see the importance of today. I'm trying to remember that with my kids now, as well.
Thank you for sharing this moment with your mom. Your comment filled me with a sense of peace. I so want to put down the work and just sit and visit with Mom. I have work to do in the "letting go" department and I suspect much of that work I'm making for myself. I don't know...none of this stuff is clear.
Oh Denise is so right! My mom is in a memory care home. So often I see the adult kids demanding special diets or supplements for their loved ones, monitoring sugar intake or carbs. If there were any meaningful health benefit to those choices that ship has sailed. But I know what’s going through their heads because I have felt it too.
I sort of joke about "bossy daughter syndrome." I pull that phrase out when Mom gets sick of me being so serious.But it also feels bad and somewhat unfair, but it's just part of the dynamic. 🤷🏽♀️ Thanks for sharing, Robin, I appreciate these glimpses and wish you and your mom well.
Every word of this resonates, Asha. I've been struggling with feelings about my dad and what he doesn't do to better care for himself, and you've affirmed what I learned the hard way with my son. I loved this: "They fucked up, or we fucked up … or whatever. Okay. But today is today. Stay here. Stay with them now." Once I let go of trying to fix things with/for my son and me, things got better. I'm now going to apply that to the situation with my dad. Thank you! Sending good wishes for your mom as she continues on her journey, and for you and your kids as you navigate this next stop in theirs.
I loved that same exact phrasing. It’s just plain truth and was a relief to read, sort of shook me out of a haze.