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In the Barcelona airport last week, waiting to board the first of two flights home, I posted this on Instagram.
The caption — referring to the widespread US college protests that erupted while Rael and I traveled in Spain — may not seem to line up with the text in the image, but that’s where my mind has been as I’ve struggled to process the complexity of what’s happening.
Nothing is ever just one thing, I wrote.
That line rattled around in my head on the way home …
… as I peeled back the foil on my airplane meal …
sort of gross; and also a treat in the way TV dinners were when I was a kid
… and shuffled through passport control …
intimidating; and also satisfying to hear the chook-chook of the passport stamp when the officer gave me the go-ahead
… and now, as I attempt to caffeinate myself into functionality and take in the springtime lushness outside my living room window.
flicker of grief over missing the emergence of Spring; and also a thrill to be dropped into it mid-explosion
Nothing is ever just one thing.
I compulsively reloaded the New York Times app as we traveled, scanning for live updates about the protests. I read about the confrontations between students and police, the building occupations and fractured campus communities. I tried to make put my finger on the shifting interpretations of antisemitism and genocide and free speech. I sought clarity, but the language remained stubbornly out of focus.
I tried to reconcile what I was seeing in the news with my daughter’s on-the-ground reports from her school’s encampment. She described a different atmosphere: students dancing and chanting, loudly but non-violently calling for an end to bloodshed.
She told us about a small Passover seder organized by some Jewish students in the encampment. A group of Muslim students held hands and surrounded them in a protective circle so they could celebrate without interruption.
Isn’t that the world we hope our kids will build?
It’s impossible to reduce these protests into a single headline or political position or binary opinion. To do so is to deny the fullness of what’s happening, and to disrespect the voices and family histories of these young people.
There’s beauty and connection in these protests. There’s also destruction and intolerance. Some protesters are knowledgable about the region, others know nothing. Some students feel passionate and empowered, others feel threatened and erased. Many are just trying to make it to the end of the year or to graduation.
Of course, there’s a difference between acceptable protest and chaos. I try to remind myself that a few newspaper articles and texts can only tell me so much.
In Cordoba, we visited La Mezquita, an ancient mosque that’s now a working cathedral. In the 16th century, part of the interior was demolished and replaced by a church — literally, there’s a massive church inside a huge mosque. You have to see it to believe it. It was later discovered that the mosque had been built on the ruins of an even more ancient Visigoth church.
The building’s layered history is reflected in the structure itself. The beauty and artistry can’t be separated from the destruction and conquest that produced it. To stand in that place is to be forced to reckon with the confluence.
I’m so proud of my daughter’s courage and integrity. I trust the messiness that goes with an expanding sense of self. And sometimes my protectiveness gets in the way.
Not knowing is part of the deal. I accept it and I can usually embrace it. And it’s so hard, in this volatile world, to sit with the uncertainty of it all.
Nothing is ever just one thing.
Comments are open to all for a week; thereafter for paid supporters.
There’s no pressure to comment. These protests bring up intense feelings and can be hard to talk about, especially online. I just wanted to open up a space for us parents to exhale. Thank you for your help with that. I trust this community to lead with kindness.
I’ll be present in the comments + moderating, but it might take me some time to respond (I’m about to head back out on the road with my Mom).
Notes of note
For more on my approach to talking about current events, read My Election Year Promises.
That’s right, I’m going on another road trip with Mom!
Parents of college-bound HS seniors: I imagine the already-heightened “decision day” pressure on May 1 was made even more intense by the news, not to mention the FAFSA delays. I’ve been thinking about you. How are you doing?
Parents of everyone approaching a graduation or the end of a college year: CONGRATULATIONS!!🏅
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Gosh, this is beautiful, Asha.
Brilliantly, lovingly put. We're struggling this week because both my girls are graduating from two different colleges this weekend. In a surprise move, my mother-in-law and sister-in-law canceled their plane tickets and are now not coming to the graduations bc they are nervous about the protests. They live in a tiny town in NW Connecticut, so their only exposure to this is through the news they choose to consume, and decided to trust that more than our reassurances that it would be ok. So sad for my husband who is very disappointed in his family; and yet so excited about these graduations for these kids whose high school graduations were canceled in 2020