Happiness today

How can I be happy at a time like this?

Photo credit: Amy McMullen

I’m home from the Netherlands and mostly over jet lag + the side effects from my COVID shot. As I was sorting through our travel photos, I came across this portrait 👆🏽 taken in 2020.

Looking at that picture you wouldn’t know I was shattered and deeply anxious that day. We were in the early depths of the pandemic and I was wandering the blackness of grief over my father’s death.

I was also experiencing a milestone event: the photoshoot for Mirabai’s senior portraits. My friend, photographer Amy McMullen, was taking photos of Mirabai in front of the murals on Alberta Avenue in NE Portland. (She snapped a couple of me, too.)

Seeing this portrait brought up a defining experience of these last few years: the need to hold conflicting feelings at the same time. That strange sensation of joy (my daughter, a senior!) layered with grief (this pandemic might obliterate her senior year); of levity (Amy brought out our silly sides) paired with anxiety (how close can we sta…