"Can we just *not* talk about politics?"

Yes. Also, no. (And here's why.)

I wrote the original version of this piece about a year before the 2024 US election so readers knew what to expect when it came to political talk at Parent of Adults.

Well, the election’s behind us and a lot has changed. But my approach to online political conversation hasn’t changed at all. Here’s the updated piece, edited for timing.

(Everything’s better with dogs.) Photo credit: Caleb Fisher

I’d like to address the elephant (and donkey) in the room: how (and how much) I’ll talk about politics in this newsletter in 2025 and beyond.

I know for many (most?) of us, political talk is as appealing as touching a hot stove. I also know not all of you share my political views, nor are all of you American. But I hope you’ll keep reading, especially if you don’t know me well. I think it’s important to be clear about my approach to political topics so we’re all on the same page.

Photo credit: Hu Chen

How about we just not talk about politics?

I don’t intend to focus on politics! We need regular breaks from the news cycle and the algorithmic churn. (I definitely do.)

Political talk also risks veering into toxic territory, pushing us toward heart-pounding anxiety and/or immobilizing despair OR self-congratulatory fist-pumping and/or blind pitchfork-wielding mania.

Both of these things are true. And! Political stuff is part of the parent-of-adults experience, and I’d like us to be able to talk about it.

(Hear me out.)

My family group chat blew up on Inauguration Day. My kids (25 and 21) wanted to discuss what they were seeing and hearing. They wanted to know what we thought — as their parents, but also as discerning news readers and civic participants.

They had a lot to say. Rael and I did, too. Memes and emojis flew back and forth. We got into some real talk about the state of the country. We didn’t agree on everything, but I was proud that they cared so much. I walked away with a better grasp on what they face.

This is their future.

Like it or not, this is the moment our kids are setting out into adulthood, and this is the political environment they’re entering. I’m not willing to hide from that reality.

Which brings me back to this newsletter. I want this to be a place where we can learn from and support** each other as we navigate all this as parents of newly-hatched adults.

You’re not obligated to comment or even read every post, but I’d like this to be a place where we know we can talk. I trust we can do so in a way that’s productive.

** “Support” doesn’t mean “agree on everything.” See below.

Photo credit Ansgar Scheffold

What if we don’t agree with each others’ politics? Or we sort of agree, but not on the details?

Outrage is useful for grabbing attention and gaining social media traction by over-emphasizing extremes. This feeds an us-vs.-them narrative that keeps us fighting each other. Meanwhile, the politicians and power brokers watch from their box seats. As we fight, they toast themselves over their strategy and place their bets.

It’s all very Hunger Games.

Well, I’m not falling for that divide-and-conquer bullshit. I’m not Katniss Everdeen leading the charge. I’m just saying I’m not playing.

If you’re kind, open-minded, and respectful, you’re welcome here. Period.

When

Karen Walrond

interviewed me for her book The Lightmaker’s Manifesto, here’s what I said:

Kindness — going into a conversation with a generous assumption of good intent — is, for me, a conscious decision to push against…people in power who are trying to drive wedges between us. [I won’t be turned] into some puppet in their little ‘us vs. them’ war — a war I don’t even believe in.

If you and I care about our kids’ futures, we’re on the same side. We might not agree on the best way to do that, but that’s not a problem. That’s democracy.

The problem is when people treat each other like caricatures or slogans.

(That this even needs to be said shows how dangerous political tribalism can be.)

You, me, most of us here — we’re thoughtful, multifaceted individuals juggling our own mix of ease and hardship. We get that life is mostly nuance and “grey area.” (The entire span of my parenting has taken place in a grey area.)

We know how to hold things in common without agreeing on everything. We know how to discuss differences of opinion without vilifying each other. If we start to feel overwhelmed, we know how to step away and care for ourselves.

We’re a community of readers, and together we’re building a culture of mutual trust and support.

Most of us already know to behave with basic respect. If someone isn’t familiar with the norms or the lingo, they can learn and try again — even here, on the Internet! If, after a do-over, it’s clear they’re here to spout off rather than engage, they’re out.

(That’s where good quality moderation comes in, which is why I get paid the big bucks.)

I didn’t start this newsletter to talk about politics. This isn’t the Us-vs.-Them Accords nor am I secretly constructing a political megaphone. I started this newsletter so I could talk about this exciting and confusing stage of parenting and invite you to talk back so I don’t feel quite as weird and out of my depth.

It so happens that this exciting and confusing stage of parenting overlaps with a politically-charged moment in history.

So be it. Let’s meet the moment by trusting each other.

Love,

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Notes of note

• One of my trusted communities is

  Pantsuit Politics
  .
  Sarah Stewart Holland
  and
  Beth Silvers
  go way beyond intelligent political commentary; they give voice to the greater human experience. I come away from every podcast better informed and warmed to the core. Their newsletter is top-notch, too.

• The Lightmaker’s Manifesto by Karen Walrond (which I mentioned earlier) is about how to work for change without losing your joy. It’s a framework I return to most. Get yourself a copy. Even better, read it with friends. Book info at Amazon and Bookshop.org.

I use affiliate links when I link to merchants, which means I earn a small commission from purchases at no cost to you. Here’s my policy.

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Thanks for reading Parent of Adults by Asha Dornfest, a free newsletter that explores the wild and wooly territory beyond the empty nest. Subscribe now or learn more on the About page.