Thank you for sharing your experience and giving me a glimmer of hope. I find that the once carefree, spontaneous and fun two people that we used to be are very hard to find and/or tap into.
I identify. It took many difficult conversations to get to this place. I'm not one to compartmentalize, so if something is going wrong in one part of the relationship it feels hard (or inauthentic) to enjoy another part of the relationship. I had to learn a new way. And there is no "arrival," this is a skill I have to keep practicing.
And this is truly the mark of your skill as a writer, because I am in the phase of my break up where, against all my usual inclinations, my current resting opinion is feeling massively bitter towards all long term couples. But reading this, I didn't feel that way at all! I felt so moved! So inspired! So DELIGHTED for you both! Like, "You earned this, buddies!! Way to enjoy each other and life!!!!"
Also the photo eras contrast is ADORABLE. As are *all* the pics, actually.
I'm glad to hear this, because I've had my bitter years. Also, not all long-term couples are better off. For some relationships (I think), "success" is finding a way forward together while for others, it's recognizing that going separate ways is healthier for everyone. Life is &*@# complicated, isn't it?
There are people I know who STILL think my ex and I had the perfect relationship, which couldn’t be further from the truth. If my ex wasn’t so private, I’d be more vocal about dispelling that myth to make people feel better!
The privacy dance is huge. Rael is extremely private so this kind of writing is a big stretch for me as a writer, for him as a human, for us as a couple.
I have ALL the questions about the camper van, as my husband talks about doing something like this, but I'm not quite on the same page. Our twins (my onlys) head off to college next year, so this empty nesting idea is very much the reason I subscribed to your newsletter. I'm so thankful for it. I'm already working on some things in my own therapy related to what my life looks like as not the same kind of mom I have been for the last 18+ years (I also have 2 stepkids, 30 and 32). I quit my "real" job just before the twins were born, and I've had a few jobs in the intervening years. However, I'm really struggling with what I want to work on for ME next (do I get a job? is there something else I'm meant to do?), because all I ever knew I wanted to be was a mom. I look forward to hearing your own thoughts on this journey, as I know you're doing some pivoting as well. So anyway, aside from my own stuff, our marriage is definitely high on my list of things to work on. I'd love to hear more about this work as well. Thank you so much for connecting with your work!
Caroline, I've been mulling over your comment since you left it. Twins, your onlies, heading to college next year! And everything else you shared. There's so much I could say, too much for this little reply box. I'm hoping much of my reply will coalesce in future posts. I have felt and still feel much of what you describe. I'm starting to wonder if the rest of my life is going be one big PIVOT. Perhaps it always was? Anyway, I'm grateful you're here and shared and that we can keep talking.
Most people our age are leaning away from each other and it’s so wonderful to see you both leaning in. Love love love seeing these photos of your trip and your big smiles. 🥰
Loved this! My husband and I are now 2nd year empty nesters (we have a son who's a senior in college and a daughter who is a sophomore). And it's still weird...but also wonderful! We're still figuring it out but it's fun to figure it out together. In a very different way!
LINK: Here is the Gottmans' new book, THE LOVE PRESCRIPTION. I haven't read it yet (we used an older book) but I suspect the advice is the same, and updated. https://amzn.to/3C2nIDS (affiliate link)
I have always wanted to do this and I love your story, thank you for sharing this part of your life with us! I would only push back on eating dessert before dinner… Small pleasures don’t have to get in the way of the work :)
Thank you for sharing your experience and giving me a glimmer of hope. I find that the once carefree, spontaneous and fun two people that we used to be are very hard to find and/or tap into.
I identify. It took many difficult conversations to get to this place. I'm not one to compartmentalize, so if something is going wrong in one part of the relationship it feels hard (or inauthentic) to enjoy another part of the relationship. I had to learn a new way. And there is no "arrival," this is a skill I have to keep practicing.
THIS MADE ME FEEL SO WARM AND FUZZY!!!!
And this is truly the mark of your skill as a writer, because I am in the phase of my break up where, against all my usual inclinations, my current resting opinion is feeling massively bitter towards all long term couples. But reading this, I didn't feel that way at all! I felt so moved! So inspired! So DELIGHTED for you both! Like, "You earned this, buddies!! Way to enjoy each other and life!!!!"
Also the photo eras contrast is ADORABLE. As are *all* the pics, actually.
Yes please to the "where did you poo" AMA
xx
I'm glad to hear this, because I've had my bitter years. Also, not all long-term couples are better off. For some relationships (I think), "success" is finding a way forward together while for others, it's recognizing that going separate ways is healthier for everyone. Life is &*@# complicated, isn't it?
There are people I know who STILL think my ex and I had the perfect relationship, which couldn’t be further from the truth. If my ex wasn’t so private, I’d be more vocal about dispelling that myth to make people feel better!
The privacy dance is huge. Rael is extremely private so this kind of writing is a big stretch for me as a writer, for him as a human, for us as a couple.
I have ALL the questions about the camper van, as my husband talks about doing something like this, but I'm not quite on the same page. Our twins (my onlys) head off to college next year, so this empty nesting idea is very much the reason I subscribed to your newsletter. I'm so thankful for it. I'm already working on some things in my own therapy related to what my life looks like as not the same kind of mom I have been for the last 18+ years (I also have 2 stepkids, 30 and 32). I quit my "real" job just before the twins were born, and I've had a few jobs in the intervening years. However, I'm really struggling with what I want to work on for ME next (do I get a job? is there something else I'm meant to do?), because all I ever knew I wanted to be was a mom. I look forward to hearing your own thoughts on this journey, as I know you're doing some pivoting as well. So anyway, aside from my own stuff, our marriage is definitely high on my list of things to work on. I'd love to hear more about this work as well. Thank you so much for connecting with your work!
Caroline, I've been mulling over your comment since you left it. Twins, your onlies, heading to college next year! And everything else you shared. There's so much I could say, too much for this little reply box. I'm hoping much of my reply will coalesce in future posts. I have felt and still feel much of what you describe. I'm starting to wonder if the rest of my life is going be one big PIVOT. Perhaps it always was? Anyway, I'm grateful you're here and shared and that we can keep talking.
Most people our age are leaning away from each other and it’s so wonderful to see you both leaning in. Love love love seeing these photos of your trip and your big smiles. 🥰
Loved this! My husband and I are now 2nd year empty nesters (we have a son who's a senior in college and a daughter who is a sophomore). And it's still weird...but also wonderful! We're still figuring it out but it's fun to figure it out together. In a very different way!
LINK: I vaguely mentioned marriage "work," well, the Gottmans were central to that. Here they are on the Unlocking Us podcast with Brene Brown: https://open.spotify.com/episode/2knf2lQkB9Bwim2t2Nkahz?si=DlAE2GrpQBOhjRcDUWaKgQ
LINK: Here is the Gottmans' new book, THE LOVE PRESCRIPTION. I haven't read it yet (we used an older book) but I suspect the advice is the same, and updated. https://amzn.to/3C2nIDS (affiliate link)
I have always wanted to do this and I love your story, thank you for sharing this part of your life with us! I would only push back on eating dessert before dinner… Small pleasures don’t have to get in the way of the work :)
AMEN!